edit: thecitysong.tumblr.com

the general mood around me is surprisingly calm and quiet - dcfc music and surfing random tumblrs (which are VERY interesting btw, haha) and looking at quotable quotes which seem to apply and photos of muted colours.

today i was sad, jaded and lethargic, the moment i stepped into school i wanted to go home so badly because there were only tests and pe and gp before the entire school day ended so i was just really looking forward to going home. i wanted to hide at home away from people and judgment, away from people whom you have to meet but not comfortably, people who are studying so hard that makes me pale in comparison and inept cos i can't handle time; people who always are in the know or trying to get into it; people whom you need to compete with or constantly convince yourself so you won't feel lousy... it's not every day that i have this kind of energy to handle people and accept the way they are you know...while demanding that people live with the way i am. i guess all i really need to lay down is pride... being stripped of everything but still rich in the lord.

on top of all the negative feelings synonymous to sian i felt mildly disgusted with myself cos during gp just for the sake of gp i had to argue that the writer was being too assertive in imposing his Christian beliefs and taking them as the norm when they are not; because i know that's the truth and the truth ought to be taught; knowing that science isn't the answer to everything but dismissing that line of argument.


and blogger you suck once i figure out tumblr and get accustomed to it i'll be moving. BYEBYEEEEE.


don't be sad!!

today my teacher smsed me to tell me i got 52 for piano which meant that i..fffffffailed, because now the passing mark is 60. wasn't too sad because i expected it from all the little effort i put in but i guess my state of mind is a complete surrender for the moment and thanking God for the other things that He has given me, because I can't actually let this one failure obliterate the blessings He has bestowed upon me...like the other prayers - my family's financial problems, happiness and things like that. and please do not come up to me and talk to me or encourage me because it'll all be futile haha, i've left the issue aside to move on with other more important things like my spiritual walk and my slipping studies and it's not something that haunts me so it's okay until someone brings it up again so i suppose that time i'll slip into the vicious cycle of self-pity and comparison which is just pointless.

in other news my baby niece was down with h1n1 so i was really worried... fasted from solid food and prayed today to intercede for special grace and i suppose if the kid is fine i wouldn't mind like failing piano exam 300 times over alright hyperbole i dont have this kind of money -.-

and wah piang the chem timed assignment is damn difficult?!?!?!!!! jingwei and youhao still come and ask me to finish in 30 minutes -,,,- but okay i attribute to my degenerating chem ability! )::


AND blogger is super ugly. CAN YOU LIKE FIX YOURSELF?!

hi world i'm done with my class montage so yep if you are interested you can approach cc or me for the mediafire link. (: i like it quite a fair bit so 3 hours for 3 minutes it's pretty worth it :D

Girls are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the
tree. The boys don't want to reach for the good ones because they are
afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten
apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy.So the apples at the
top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing.
They just have to wait for the right boy to come along, the one who's brave
enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

yesterday was an extremely fulfilling day so thank God for that! went to school for national day celebrations which was quite useless hurr but yng tyng stole my wallet and my phone, made me arrange all the coins in terms of age before returning the entire wallet to me but ended up spilling all the coins on the floor yet again -.- so it ended really early at about 9.30 (:

after that we all went to watch up! i had too much time cos there was unit meeting at 4 plus at paya lebar so it would be quite lame to go home and out again. i was eating at the food court at the basement of cine and it's really sick i swear,when we were at the stall we saw 3 ROACHED RUN AROUND THE STALL so it's really gross. ironically the stall got A for hygiene, so they are pretty undeserving or it just goes to say that other stalls have terrible hygiene. during the movie, at certain points in time i thought it was really sad so i cried, but the others were really funny so it was really worth it.

went for unit girls meeting after that and it was really fun! it's a refreshing experience on sharing with the knowledge that these people will understand and wouldn't interfere, judge, spread rumours around, and not even teasing so it's a mutual learning process. and the best take away is the question: have you been looking for love in the wrong places? it's okay if you are still single or unattached unlike the friends out there because God has a best guy for you! so there's no need to compromise or search desperately or fervently and life is always about waiting and as long as you are prepared, God will show you such signs. waiting because love is not about dating it's about courtship and long lasting relationships, complementing each other in terms of character to fulfill his commands. i guess it's very normal to want to be loved by man and tangibly but remember, God is always more than sufficient for us. (:

I LAUGHED WHEN I SAW THIS PICTURE COS IT'S VERY FUNNY WHEN IT'S COUPLED WITH A COMMENT (refer to bottom):




your heart is made to pump blood, your brain is made to think.
(from quoteskine@tumblr)

--


i guess it really demanding to ask for people to be tolerating my idiosyncrasies, mood swings these days by virtue of the fact that i've alot of things on my mind and my hands which makes me so sick each day and BUT SERIOUSLY, sometimes small things just go wrong and make me go like... argh why can't this tiny thing just go right for once?!!! for example every one received their transcript smoothly EXCEPT ME COS MINE HASN'T COME YET so that makes me teeter and edgy and uneasy. and my piano notification hasn't arrived yet this is retarded maybe they ignore all those who fail HURR not very funny trinity; see you at the pole tomorrow; i think i'm actually supposed to do the class montage as well haha and i get this suppressed and contained feeling in very quiet places or places where i have to sit very still or very large places like the auditorium during econs lecture it makes me extremely uncomfortable which is not cool. the past week i have been sleeping so soundly i can wake up all energetic at unearthly time of 6.30 am and feel charged and revitalised but now i take naps that make me feel the same before and after!

kthx for reading this needless crap i need to pray more instead of complaining byebye.

this is who we are. clinging on to the past because we are scared they become too distant, feeling a sense of deja vu but no sense of familiarity when we enter into the same place; enjoying the moments now but too scared because we know this wouldn't last forever,,, if we keep moving on we'll be so far away from everything except the present, which wouldn't last either way.
--

i like this analogy:

(in trusting God)
there are a few ways in which you can get through the Pacific Ocean. First, you can try swimming. This is when you try to do it with your own efforts. You'll might get a little further than your starting point; but you won't go very much further than that. Secondly, you can try to paddle there, with say, a canoe, which is partially depending on your own strength. that wouldn't get you much further either, though you might be able to travel a few miles. Lastly, you can try traveling across the Pacific Ocean by traveling in a plane or a liner. That is when everything becomes easy and you do it most successfully. That is also, when you entrust everything to God.


and uhm...this blogger posting box is being relegated to an useless guy at the bottom left hand corner of my page?!

BEST CASE SCENARIO:

mosquito 1: omg i think the humans' blood suck. except hers. okay every one please poke your proboscis through her skin and suck her blood.
mosquito 2: wah sounds cool man. but you sure the blood is nice everywhere?
mosquito 3: eh maybe not so we all suck at the same spot la.
mosquito 4 5 6 ...100000: okay!

so hmm i have this really huge swelling on my leg and i believe it's a mosquito bite just that it's really huge around the size of 2 50 cents coins! which,is really, huge. and after further research on useless google i have come to a conclusion that i'm allergic to this retarded mosquito bite so the whole thing swells up and there's like watery balls around the area and it's itchy. and according to wikipedia i think the swelling is called a weal. sounds really cute right like seals and baby seals but trust me it isnt -.-

ess was awesome! the testimonies, the performances and i guess the really impressive one was love story meets viva la vida on piano trumpet and cello (: though i must say i wasnt feeling too good. cramps and itchy legs and claustrophobia. :/

yu li

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